Today is Sunday. On Friday I had my first injection of horse tranquilizer for depression. “Treatment-resistant depression” officially. And I got my meds, not from some guy in a van, but from the very legit Treatment-Resistant Depression Clinic (which I like to call the TRD clinic. ) I’ve been interested in ketamine since before I got clean. I heard it was a magic bullet for anxiety/depression, which has ruined half my life (I was solely responsible for the rest). Of course since underwent the metamorphis of rehab, I’m much better than I ever was. I have tools to manage the thoughts of catastrophe and failure, the feelings of emptiness and anhedonia. I’ve learned to sing in my chains. But, as I told the PA who did my intake, I’d like to try it without the chains. When I was in rehab, I heard one of the shrinks, Dr. Giorgadze – Dr G – was using it. Dr. G wasn’t my doctor but I used to hem him up whenever he was in the building, grill him about G-proteins and existentialism. Once when I was in the big bathroom in the Day Hospital he walked in and started peeing at the next urinal and I was actually starting to feel good again (pink cloud), so I started singing “I’m the ket- a – mine man, fixin’ up depression, making the world taste good.” He looked at me like I was nuts. It was a mental hospital, after all. After rehab I…
Month: April 2019
"Heroes" by David Bowie. Version by Mackenzie Johnson
2:15 Did you hear about Dominic?
Lieutenant Dominic voted in the election and no one has seen him since. All we know is that supposedly he’s been discharged but he didn’t leave any contact information and no one had a chance to see him off. I feel guilty for not making more of an effort to wish him well and get an email address for him after he had served as such a great leader, but it wasn’t at all unusual for people to just disappear, glad to be done with this place. I envy his freedom and feel sure he is going to have a great life. I hope things work out with his wife and kids. Maybe she will appreciate how much he’s changed. Maybe he will actually realize his dream of becoming a priest.